I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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