Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
