i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
