even my farts smell like vagina
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
