He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
