I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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