the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
