now i know why i became what i already was.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
