Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
