i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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