I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
