Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
