So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
