i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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