no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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