I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
