my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
