Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You work out of a Hotel?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
