He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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