We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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