How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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