My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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