I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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