party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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