You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize