I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
