can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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