love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
