Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
