Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
