SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We need to get me chipped asap
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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