Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
