I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
