dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
