took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
