how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
