Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
