I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
