I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
