sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
