I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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