wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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