I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
