Say something about gay babies.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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