someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
