sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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