i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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