he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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