I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
