so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
