Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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