Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
