How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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