guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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