what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
