i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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