No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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