My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
