he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Still dying that you shit outside
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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