she woke up with a sticky ear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
