sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
