do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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