and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
