i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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