My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
