i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
