So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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