Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
