the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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