cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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