You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
